Obama has a million things to do tonight in his speech to Congress to not only save his health care bill, but more than likely, a good chunk of his presidency as well. If heath care fails, he fails, and it’s not like “everything was conspiring against him.” He’s been exceptionally weak-willed (read: a pussy) during this whole process, and if it fails at this point, he’s not the only person to blame, but he’s certainly at the top of the list.

I’m not convinced that Obama should even bother wasting time to try to appeal to Republican members of congress and tea partiers, as they’re without a doubt lost causes, reveling in either delusion or stupidity to the point of overdose. No, instead, he needs to talk to me, his base, and tell me just what the hell is going on with his health care bill, because honestly, after all this time, I have to no idea what’s actually in it at this point.

Here’s what he has to say:

1) COMMIT TO THE PUBLIC OPTION

I may not know a ton, but I know that if the public option is stripped from this bill, it will be infinitely more meaningless than it already is. Pressure from idiots has already wiped the single-payer system off the table completely, but if the public option goes, what exactly is left?

2) WHAT WILL CHANGE FOR ME?

If this bill, as it’s written goes through, what changes for me, twenty something freelance writer with crappy health insurance I pay for myself? How much would the public option cost me, what would it cover?

3) TIMETABLES

Once (if) this bill passes, how long would it take from then to me actually seeing changes I can put in my wallet. I don’t need this four years from now, I need it right now, and if this is going to take half a decade to even be implemented, I’m going to be very upset.

4) SPEAK ENGLISH

Don’t get all professorial on me. In every town hall I’ve seen you speak at so far, I must admit I have to agree with *gasp* Bill O’Reilly that I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about most of the time. Talk to us like the five year olds most of us are.

5) HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR IT?

If you’re going to raise taxes on the rich, say it. Don’t dance around the podium like you’re doing an Irish jig, just flat out tell us how exactly we’re going to find a trillion dollars in the budget (either through taxes hikes or savings) to pay for this behemoth.

And those are just the issues that concern me. You still have to tell my parents they’re not losing their current insurance, you have to tell my grandma she can stay on Medicare and keep her doctor. You have to tell the health care companies that you won’t drive them out of business (even though you should).

I wish you the best of luck tonight Mr. President. Lord knows you’re going to need it.